Hating on Oprah

“…We are responsible for ourselves, that you create your own reality by the way you think and therefore act”-Oprah

“You cannot blame apartheid, your parents, your circumstances, because you are your possibilities. If you know that, you can do anything”-Oprah

Victims of South African apartheid have no excuse for not going to college. They did this to themselves.

 I <3 Oprah. I love her interviews, her demeanor and her respectful professionalism. Oprah has made me cry at her show more than once. So on that note, it pains me to disagree with the Big O. Oprah has always been an advocate for self help and personal responsibility, yet as one reads into her philosophies, it seems to me that Oprah is blaming the victim for their own perils. You got raped? You’re responsible for every circumstance that put you there. You get cancer? Same deal. This seems a bit ironic given the sexual abuse she endured. I’m pretty sure apartheid is a good reason for not getting into college or living a long, prosperous life. I like the whole “no excuses, play like a champion” mentality, but she seems to take it to the extreme.

Because this is entirely possible for every person, regardless of genetics,health insurance, or access to medical care.

I’m going to focus on some positive self-help in the form of a book (not movie) titled He’s Just Not That into You. I’ve decided to focus on relationships here, because there are entirely too many people need help with, so I’m just going to pick one. Maybe Oprah should take the hint and stop with the all-encompassing umbrella advice. While Oprah is an advocate of “whatever negativity is in your life, you brought it on yourself,” Greg Behrendt (who has appeared on Oprah) decided that women should, and can have more control over their relationships, even when certain circumstances are out of your control. You cannot control who other people are, but you can control your reactions to them.

He explains warning signs of toxic relationships, and debunks every stupid excuse women (and men) make to stay with someone. He’s too busy to call you? Not possible, unless he’s in the Sahara. He makes the point that with today’s technology its “impossible not to talk to someone.” He is an advocate of healthy relationships through honesty, trial and error, instead of blaming the victim for being in a psychologically abusive relationship. Greg’s writing is empathetic to understanding that walking away is not always easy, or even safe in certain circumstances. There will be failure, but it’s okay, as breakups of any kind are a long process and part of life, and you should not blame yourself for choosing Mr.Wrong (as Oprah would say). Oprah places the blame on the women for staying with the men, Greg blames the men for treating their women disrespectfully and not being 100% honest about their feelings. He also teaches how to gain that respect from other “not-dickhead” sources, because not all men are scumbags.

He gives empowering advice that is applicable to everyday life and makes one think differently about how they view relationships and how others treat them. The difference is, if you fail, it’s your fault according to Oprah, but Greg lets the reader know it’s okay to fail, you cannot control other people, and shit happens. If your ex goes crazy and tries to commit arson, is that your fault? To Oprah: yes, you should have seen this coming and you did this to yourself.

Even when trying to empower yourself and make your own independence, any unforeseen/unexpected consequences of the break up (that you’re going through to try and get rid of the “negativity” Oprah discusses”) is your fault. Some things are your fault, and we all need accountability to an extent, but not everything. Her philosophy seems to be about beating yourself up, instead of being proud of what you’ve accomplished. Greg offers women a new way of thinking, not to make excuses for other people, and how to recognize unhealthy relationships. It should seem obvious, but often it is not. He is an advocate of “no excuses”, but not to the point where apartheid cannot be considered an excuse.

Oprah on Larry King explaining unataintable ideals 

Men are pretty straightforward in their actions, if they do not want to talk to someone, they won’t. If your boyfriend/spouse/whatever cheats on you, he’s just not that into you because if he loved only you, it wouldn’t have happened. If he constantly lies, he’s just not that into you. It isn’t always completely your fault if your boyfriend/spouse/whatever cheats, lies and steals. Oprah would say all the prior things listed you did to yourself, you “made your own circumstances”, but in reality it isn’t your fault if your other half doesn’t love you, shit happens.

Anthropologist Maurice Godelier agrees with Behrendts philosophy in a more universal way:

                “We should not seek explanations for the power of ideas within the ideas themselves, but look for them instead in the social relationships between human beings and nature…Ideas never contain in themselves all the reasons for their influence, and thought alone cannot produce these reasons”

To sum it up, You cannot always explain what you think, and how you feel and why. And certain circumstances can be beyond your control. You cannot control others and their circumstances, that is called “slavery.”